Past Is Prologue

    Nikhil stared across the bar at the vacant brick wall, twirling the ring in his hand. The music reached his ears in a muffled tone, as his brain was as clouded as his eyes. Around the pub he could see people frolicking around with friends and family, couples going all out on each other, suddenly realizing their love for their partner more and more as the alcohol went further inside them. He looked away. Every girl in that pub reminded him of Nisha.

“I think we should start seeing different people,” she had said.

“But we are already engaged!” he had protested, hoping that she was joking. She always made such jokes about breaking up.

“Don’t make it harder than it is,” she had said in a clichéd manner, as if she was the victim there. She sounded serious.

     She had then stormed out of the diner, leaving him perplexed and alone with her engagement ring, the half-eaten dessert and the long dinner bill. He had wondered what would have been the reason for her to break the engagement off, until he saw her get into a white BMW 3 series across the street. She seemed like a different person while getting into the car, resplendent, star struck and excited. He could not take a look at the new man in her life, and he had decided never to try finding out who he was.

     “Is this seat taken?” a soft voice said from behind him, interrupting his dive into the past.

     “No-” he said as a reflex, before turning to face the owner of the voice.

     She had thick, dark hair, an apple-shaped face, twinkling black eyes, a thin yet sharp nose, and rose-bud lips. She was wearing a sky blue scarf over her grey sweater, for it was only during these forty days between December and February that people donned that kind of attire in Mumbai. He thought she would sit next to him, but after his reply she had lifted the stool, to take it to her table, probably to join her friends or boyfriend. His heart sank, but he was used to this kind of disappointment.

     She was about to leave when she saw a really expensive-looking female ring in the hand of one of the most handsome men she had ever seen. But he looked demure. Dressed in a shiny black jacket, his drooping shoulders did not do much to hide the chiseled fair face, the dark brown, ruffled hair, the sad, yet really alive grey eyes and the lean, yet strong build. She stopped in her tracks, wondering what the story here was. She eyed her friends sitting in the far corner of the pub, and figured she could squeeze in a few minutes before joining them and their dreary talks about how each of their kids was greater than the other’s.

     “Everything okay?” she asked, putting the stool down.

     “Excuse me?” He asked; he had already turned away to face the wall behind the bar. Clearly he was not expecting a conversation.

     “I am Sakshi, you may have seen me around,” she said modestly.

     It was then that it dawned upon him, his eyes lit up and he said, “Of course! Sakshi Mittal, the author! Nice to meet you. I am Nikhil Joshi.”

     They shook hands, and sensing a familial tone to the conversation, she decided to ask him a direct question, “What’s with the ring?”

     He was taken aback, but calmly replied, “A while ago my fiancée left me; I think for another man, a richer man.”

     “And you are saddened by that?” Sakshi asked, surprised.

     “Who wouldn’t be? We were together for six years; she meant everything to me. We would have been married this year. I was there for her during her struggles and turbulent times, how could she leave me just like that?”

     “But why are you sad that she has left you? If riches are what she desires, it is highly likely she would have left you at some point of time during your marriage. Things would have been much harder then, wouldn’t they?”

     “I won’t be able to forget her. I see her face in every girl I look at,” he said gloomily, “almost every girl.”

     She hesitated for a moment and said, “Give it a few days, even a few months, you will feel differently. The wound is still fresh.”

    “I hid something from you. It has been three years since she left me, on this very day. I come to this bar every year on this day and try to forget her,” he revealed.

    “That is rough, agreed, but not everyone heals immediately. Everyone takes their own time to move on,” she said, unaffected by the revelation, “While researching people for my books, I have realized some things about people. We like to think of ourselves as victims, we like to be in the constant need of something, we like to judge others to feel better about ourselves, and we love replaying the past in our heads because unlike the uncertainty of the future, we know exactly how the events of the past would unfold. But know this, the past may be a comfortable place, like the calmness underwater, but stay there longer than you are supposed to and you will drown. Above the water is a much better place, full of opportunities and fresh air.”

     “Easy for those to say who have everything in life,” Nikhil retorted, only to regret it a moment later.

     “Let me tell you something, not everyone has everything in life. We cannot have the complete pizza, some or the other slice will always be missing. But it is up to us whether to attach more importance to the missing slice or to the rest of the pizza which is definitely ours to have. Look at yourself, you seem like a nice guy with a career, definitely stable enough financially to be able to afford a ring that expensive, an obedient son and soon to someone, a loving partner,” she assumed, and something told her she was right. “Don’t be so driven by the past to throw away your future,” she added.

     Nikhil was silent for a moment, he did not know where to look at, his warm glass of beer, the vacant wall that seemed so interesting earlier, the couples in the pub who couldn’t keep their hands off each other, the ring in his hand that had been there for the last three years, or the beautiful stranger who was trying to make him see sense, without owing anything to him.

     “Will I be a bad person if I just go for someone else while still in love with Nisha?” he asked genuinely, mentioning Nisha’s name to someone else for the first time in three years. He felt a shudder run through his neck as he uttered her name.

    “No one is asking you to throw yourself at every woman you see, in order to move on. Nor is anyone keeping track of what amount of love you still hold for Nisha. But yes, if you do not shake away your past before getting into a serious relationship you will be really unfair to the other person. You might just be the whole and sole of her life. But that being said, the world will move on with or without you. So it is in your best interests to keep up with it.”

     “Wow, you really know your way with words,” Nikhil said, a smile finally coming to his lips. He had let her through the mental walls he had created around himself.

     Sakshi could not take her eyes away from the handsome curl of his lips as he smiled, and couldn’t help but notice the contractions all over his face as he looked even more attractive than before. “Hey, that’s what I get paid for,” she said cheekily, “Just kidding,” she added, trying to sound modest again.

     “Once you consciously start to move on things will automatically change, slowly, but surely. The first thing you need to do though, is to forgive – forgive Nisha, and most importantly, forgive yourself. It does not do to hold grudges of the past while moving on in life.”

     “Thank you, that was really helpful,” Nikhil said, wondering how Sakshi could be a stranger, from the ease with which she had knocked down his defenses, and made him see the brighter side of life for the first time in ages.

     “Don’t bother, I barely get to talk when with my friends, they are so hell bent on bragging about their perfect lives that they forget to listen to what I have to say. Sorry if I have bored you with my sermon,” she smirked.

     “Not at all! It has been a while since someone saw me for how I am, rather than for how I behave,” Nikhil said.

     “It’s not that hard you know, your eyes reveal a lot about you,” Sakshi remarked, trying her best not to sound flirtatious, as she noticed Nikhil blush slightly. “Nevertheless, I really need to rush to my friends now, however-“, she bent over the bar to grab a tissue paper and borrowed the bar-tender’s pen, “If you ever feel like playing with that ring again, do give me a call. And this time, let’s have coffee, beer gets me gassy,” she added, and finally took the stool to the far end, leaving Nikhil with a sly smile, and a heart full of hope.